Thursday, October 25, 2007

Most Dreaded Phrase in the English Language (first in a series):

"You! Yes, you there, with the look of sheer horror on your face. Stand up and introduce yourself!"

By now, it's too late to excuse myself so I can run to the ladies' room and check my teeth for bits of broccoli (and I don't even eat broccoli). All I can do is check my heels to make sure there are no strands of toilet tissue clinging to them like advertising banners behind an airplane, and hope there's nothing incriminating stuck to my backside when I stand.

"Tell us who you are, what you do, why did you come here, and how did you find out about us?"

The only way this can get worse is if they add, "Oh, and we see you brought your family, too! Wonderful! Won't you introduce them all?"

You have no idea how much fun this is in a place like church, where I usually have one kid splashing in the font and another munching on the communion wafers.

Fortunately, today I need only refer visitors to the profile on the right of this page (that's assuming I formatted everything correctly).

My youngest child is ten year old Baby Bear, and he is the only one still living at home. But that doesn't mean his two much older siblings won't provide their own share of fodder here.

My husband, Mr. Lucky, has recently retired after more than twenty years in the U.S. Air Force, and is home pretty much all the time now. But he got bored after a while, so instead of taking up golf or fishing, or even cruising for a trophy wife like other guys in his situation, he decided to spice things up by adopting a couple of beagles.

The irony? In regards to my writing, I can't help thinking I got a lot more done when the two older children were preschoolers, than I do now.

This blog will be mainly about my family, my writing, and my glamorous career as a homemaker; and how they all conspire to form a Bermuda-like triangle into which my sanity has disappeared.

And as it progresses, I hope to amaze and astound you with my ongoing, half-baked attempts to try and make links that don't stretch all the way across the page and beyond.


Carrie said...

Finally! Love it!

Vicki said...

Welcome to the blog world or should I say, It's about time you joined the family. :) Started to add a word in there but decdied not to since I'm not sure who will read this.

Really, Karen I'm adding you to my links and if I can help you let me know. If I don't know the answer we'll seek the wisdom of the almighty E.

Anne-Marie Carroll said...

Oh, Karen, you're a gem. I'm still ROTFLMBO. I'm so glad you decided to blog so I can get my daily dose of laughing. Broccoli and toilet paper - a dangerous combination. lol Welcome to blogworld.

Loretta said...

I love your wit. Honestly, your life sounds like a novel. Enjoyed reading your blog.


JulieLeto said...

I just added you to my daily blog stop. Not that there's any pressure or anything.

Phyllis said...

Looking foward to reading your blog (because it's just so much fun to spit coffee on the keyboard while laughing hysterically at my desk).


Kristen Painter said...

Okay, trying again. I was saying that my hubby is retired from the AF also, but fortunately, he plays golf.

Karen Lingefelt said...

Kristen: Glad you got in! Sorry about the mix-up on my settings. I can almost guarantee it won't be the last.

Julie: Sometimes I think I should keep a photo of you near my workspace--one that shows you scowling with arms crossed over your chest.

JulieLeto said...

I think I have a picture like that.

Chanticleer said...


First Date
First Kiss
First Love
First {Blush}
First Child

Firsts blog!

Congratulations on your first blog!

Sandra Coburn

Dawn said...

Yeah Karen!

It's about time you share your brilliant humor with the world!! Adding you to my daily blog stops as well.

Dawn Finley

Erica Ridley said...

You don't eat broccoli??? Broccoli is the best!!!

*runs off to add karen to her blogroll*

Vicki M. Taylor said...

You're off to a great start, Karen. I look forward to more blog entries and perhaps a good giggle or two?

I think we all need a picture of Julie, scowling with her arms crossed. What a great motivator. I wouldn't dare try to use a lame excuse for not writing. To paraphrase Julie, "Put the butt in the chair!"

Karen Lingefelt said...

Erica: Nothing against broccoli, it's just that it always seems to get stuck in my teeth. Even though I don't eat it.

Sandra: So that's what the 6th gem means!

Your comment reminded me of an old (well, they're all old) episode of ALL IN THE FAMILY, where they said the three most important events in a woman's life were her wedding, the birth of her first child . . . and her first Tupperware party.

Chanticleer said...


Edith was so right. I have fond memories of the time I first burped my plastic food storage containers {wipes away tear}.